Against All Odds

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-George Eliot

Love what you do and do what you love. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life.
-Ray Bradbury

Don't let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others, even if you don't like them.
-Stacy London

"Against all odds," I texted my daughter as I sat in my car, "I made it". 

I had retired. 

I didn't quite finish my tofes tiyulim, but that was out of my hands. 

I had my party. I had requested no speeches, no presents, and no fadichot*, a request that was almost, but not quite, respected. I gave all my last hugs and instructions to my colleagues, which was far more emotional than I had expected. There were even people at the party who spoke to me for the first time since I began my employment 17 years previously. 

At the moment, I feel as if I'm on vacation with a house to clean before I go back to work. It hasn't yet set in that this is my life now, and that I can do whatever the heck I want, whenever the heck I want, however the heck I want (within the limits of the law, of course).

This is quite a new sensation. 

In the weeks and even months prior to my retirement, I had been asked, many many times, 'so NOW what are you going to do? Any plans?'  I always smiled and said, 'oh, you know, the yoozh** – see the kids, clean the house for Pesach, travel to Thailand.'

(A word of advice to those who meet someone about to retire: don't ask them what they are planning on doing - just wish them well.) 

I was bombarded with suggestions: I should go to Bulgaria and enjoy the casinos; I should go to Sri Lanka as it has the best beaches, and there's Chabad there; I should volunteer with a charitable  organization and use my time to help mankind; I should never volunteer, I should get paid for my work; I should take a course in knitting, saxophone, sky diving ("you'll LOVE it"); I should sign up for the fascinating series of 20 lectures on the rise and fall of plastic; I should see a lot of the kids; I should limit my time with the kids; I should sleep late in the morning and relax; I should get up early in the morning and enjoy the sunrise; I should go partying and drink a lot of beer; I should remember to care for my health and not go crazy; I should cook big meals; I should stay out of the kitchen.

When I had babies, I had experienced something similar: put a sweater on the baby, it shouldn't get too cold; take the sweater off the baby it's too hot; hold the baby; don't ever hold the baby (you'll spoil it); put the baby on its back, it's safer; the baby should lie on its stomach, it sleeps better that way, etc. etc. 

I did with the advice on my retirement the exact same thing I did with the advice for my babies – I ignored everyone.  With babies, however, there are a gazillion books out there with information so one can make a more informed decision regarding their welfare. 

With retirement, not so much. 

Sure, there are courses to take in financial planning, and how to live a healthy lifestyle, and what to do when there's nothing to do, blah blah. But I'm not a baby, or even a kid, even though I really do feel like it at times. 

I wanted to do something that I like doing – not what my colleagues at work like doing, or my coffee buds***,  or my kids, or even what Facebook told me to do. I wanted to do what I like doing. 

The question was, what did I like doing?

Nobody has asked me that in years, not even me. 

I felt the first twinges of panic. 

What did I like doing? OMG****!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I honestly had no idea. 

And so, I did what I do best. 

I made a list. In fact, I made two lists. 

The first list was easy –  it was a what I don't like doing list. It turned out a wee bit long. 

I don't like eating fish or sushi, hiking up mountains, being outside in the cold/wind/rain/sun/heat (this might prove to be a problem), ironing, polishing silver, cleaning out the oven, talking on the phone, picking mounds of hair out of the bathroom drains. I don't like listening to lectures on plastic. I don't like beer. And I especially don't like being told what I should like. 

The second list is taking me a bit longer to write. 

But that's ok. 

In the meantime, I'm going to do some yoga, listen to some oldies but goodies, drink coffee, and close my eyes. 

I could get used to this. 

*Hebrew – what parents who speak in public (especially if they have a strong accent) do their kids, i.e., "MOM!!!! Be quiet! You're doing fadichot! 

**Gen Z – usual 

***Gen Z – friends

****In 1917, OMG, short for oh my god, first appeared in print—in a letter to Winston Churchill. The abbreviation was perhaps anticipated by migod and ohmigod in the 19th century, meant to imitate the colloquial pronunciation of the exclamation.