Something to talk about

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement
-Florida Scott-Maxwell

"You're in a snotty mood this morning", I said to my daughter.
"I'm in a snotty mood every morning", she replied. "That's like saying 'you're beautiful today'. As if there's ever a day I'm not beautiful."
My quick-witted and beautiful, if somewhat snotty, daughter, once again, made me grateful and happy I had her.

My daughter and I are pretty close. As a matter of fact, right at this moment, she's just across the hall from me. That's pretty close. Of course, there's a closed door with a 'Do Not Enter' sign adorned with a skull and crossbones.
But hey. 
As it happens, we chat every morning on the way to the bus stop. It's our bonding time.
"What do you have in school today?" I ask.
"Nothing", she answers.
"Sigh", I sigh.

I've actually got a bunch of kids. I'm close to all of them. We chat all the time.

"Are you coming for Shabbat?" I whatsapped one son last week, "I want to know how much chicken to take out of the freezer."
"Yes, we're coming. Take out steak". And lots of cake," he whatsapped back. "Oh, and we'll probably come early on Friday. What's for lunch?"
I took out chicken.

"Is it cold by you?" I messaged my older daughter. "It's freezing here."
Concerned, she messaged back right away, "Go make some tea."
"I made almond tea", I told her.
"Well, that's gross. Does it stink"?
"Yes," I wrote to her, "like cyanide".
"Well, that's ok then."  Her concerns allayed, she broke the connection.

Another son doesn't message me unless it's an emergency. Instead, he comes up to me and actually speaks.
"What's happening next Shabbat?"
I look up. "What do you need?"
"The gang wants to go to (fill in the name of some teeny-tiny village without electricity and running water, BUT it does have a puddle nearby the locals have the audacity to call a 'spring')".
I repeat, "What do you need?"
"Six kilo of roasted potatoes, two dozen pitot, four cans of tuna, your big pot, three knives, and the cutting board. Oh, and a tomato."
"What are the others bringing?"
"Oh, you know. The rest of the food. Their mothers like cooking."
Overlooking the unsaid but implied and understood "Their mothers are better cooks", I nod and feel grateful. Last time, he needed two tomatoes and a cucumber.

My oldest son doesn't wait for me to start a conversation.
"Can you take the kids for the next six weeks? They're driving me crazy."

Rabbi Sacks, in his dvar Torah for  Parsha Va'Yichi, says that at the core of humanity is not power or wealth, but family. The dilemma is that family conflict is universal. The Torah is rife with family drama; think Cain and Abel (that didn't end well), Jacob and Esau (parental favortism is something to avoid), Joseph being sold by own his brothers! (though, as a child, I could relate quite well to this...). Yet, if the family is not healthy, then society, the nation, and even the world, cannot be healthy. How can we solve this dilemma? How do we achieve functioning families?

All experts agree that the way to achieving a good relationship with your children is by keeping the lines of communication open.

I can honestly say that the lines are all open, even if a bit tangled.
I am greatly blessed.