Sweet Sixteen

The best substitute for experience is being 16

- Raymond Duncan

Our family is not big on birthdays. We always have cake, adorned with gummy candies, but we don't always get around to buying presents. The worst hit has traditionally been my youngest child. As the fifth kid after three boys, she's learned to live with her brothers' hand-me-downs, used toys, old parents, and lots of teasing. When she turned 16 a few weeks ago, her father and I did take her to the local mall and bought her some junk food to eat. 

 

What I did do for her, however, is write her a letter, which is something I did not do for any of the others. 

Her school arranged a four-day 'identity' trip for her class, where they discussed what it meant to be a Jew and an Israeli; the responsibilities this entails, the history that has formed us, the destiny that we share. 

At the end of the trip, the girls received their Identity Cards (teudat zehut), with much pomp and circumstance on the grounds of the Knesset building. All Israelis receive the card at the age of 16, but not all with such fanfare. In addition to the cards, the girls also received letters written by their mothers. 

The following was mine:

Your teacher asked all the parents to write a letter to you for this tiyul, as you are ‘coming of age’, being 16 and way old and all. I wanted to do something like this anyway, but, unless pushed, I don’t, because, you know, I’m way lazy.

First, let me say that I can’t believe you’re 16 already. When I was your age, I was stam a jobnik…

Here, there were two more points that I'm leaving out as they were personal, and, if published, my life would be in danger.

But enough mush.

I’m now going to dispense some advice. Listen carefully: 

1. Forgive yourself. You’re going to make mistakes. People do. It happens. Learn and move on. 
2. Forgive others. They make mistakes too. Unless they keep making the same mistake over and over. Then it’s time for you to move on and away. 
3. Set goals. First Big Goals (e.g., I’m going to be rich and famous). Then set smaller goals to get yourself to the big goals. (e.g., I’m going to do my math homework and clean my room). 
4. Set one Goal every day. It doesn’t have to be big, just something so that, at the end of the day, you feel that you’ve accomplished something (e.g., ‘today I’m going to make sure that there are no dirty clothes under the bed’, or ‘today, I’m going to wash all the spoons that are in my room’). 
5. Be grateful for at least one thing every day; the pita in your chocolate sandwich wasn’t stale, or there was leftover chicken soup, or you got a seat on the bus. Life is richer when you recognize your blessings. 
6. Dance like nobody is watching. Send text messages, whattsups, and emails as if they are going to be read in the Knesset and quoted in the press. (Ok, so I read that in a meme – it’s true anyway.) 
7. Every once in a while – not every day, or even every month – go outside and watch the sun rise or the sun set. It will give you energy when you need it. 
8. Drink lots of water. Then drink more. This will keep your blood pressure down, your skin young, and you will always know where the bathroom is. 
9. Be kind. You don’t have to like everyone, heck you don’t have to like anyone, but you do have to be kind. Kindness breeds kindness. Be kind to your friends, and your teachers, and to the bus driver, and the clerk in the shop, and the hairy guy making falafel. If you are kind, others will be kind back to you and pay it forward. It’s a double bonus. 
10. There are days when you’re going to feel bad, sad, or depressed. That’s life. When that happens, make yourself a nicecupoftea, or chocolate milk or a cookie, stand in front of the mirror, and wink at yourself. A big wink. It’ll make you smile. 
11. Don’t do anything that you have to hide from those closest to you. My dad told me this a very long time ago, when I tried to sneak about 20 chocolate bars into my bedroom. If you have to sneak, it’s not the right thing to do. 
12. Use sun cream and wear a hat. You know why. 
13. Learn to say no. It’s ok, really. Say it kindly, but, when you need to, say no. 
14. Listen hard and speak softly. 
15. Have fun. Have fun at everything you do. Always look for the fun part. It’s there someplace, even in the most boring, dull, annoying places. Life is way too short not to be having fun every day. 
16. Remember, always, that you are a creation of God. God does not create imperfect things. You are perfect as you are, no matter what you think. Your hair, your height, your inability in math, these things are not you. Don’t try to be something you are not, because God created you to be what you are. There is only one you in the world. Be the best you you can be. 

And there you have it – 16 points for 16 years.

With so much love,

Mom