One Smile at a Time

When you're smilin', when you're smilin'
The whole world smiles with you
When you're laughin', when you're laughin'
The sun comes shinin' through
―Larry Shay, Mark Fisher, and Joe Goodwin.

Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.
―Stanley Gordon West

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.
―William Shakespeare

After spending most of a seemingly eternal summer in the war-torn Northern Negev, I took a day and spent it with family members in the Holy city of Jerusalem. Not that Jerusalem feels much less war-torn; soldiers everywhere, signs pointing to safe areas in all public buildings, many civilians packing a pistol, etc. etc.
But hey.

Said family member needed babysitting help as there is no nursery school during August, so war-torn or not, any excuse to play with babies.

What does a mother and an assistant babysitter do in the month of August with a two-year-old and an infant? They all go out for ice cream, of course.

 A seven-minute walk later, (here, I must stop and say a word about walking in Modern Day Jerusalem. Jerusalem is a miracle, truly, in many ways, but the most miraculous part is that no matter in which direction one walks, it is always uphill. Even when you turn around and walk back the same way you came, the sidewalk tilts [maybe from the weight of the walker and all that ice cream] and you are still walking uphill. But I digress.) we entered a lovely, air-conditioned ice cream parlour. With a dizzying number of flavours to choose from, it took us several minutes and a short chat with the manager – a 60ish year-old man who obviously knew his ice cream – to decide.
He told us to take our time, every flavour was delicious.
I told him that before the end of the world comes*, we needed to get ice cream.
He said, wise decision, but it wasn't the end of the world yet.
I said, I live in Beer Sheva. Maybe in Jerusalem it's not the end of the world.
He said, ah, that's different, here in Jerusalem, we laugh about such things. But in Beer Sheva, it's more serious.
I said, nah, we laugh about it also.
We both laughed.
And then we got our ice cream
(Belgian chocolate and Pistachio for those who are curious.)

*At that point in time, Iran had been threatening to attack Israel with all its might. It was to be a surprise attack. Any day now. We have been warned! Because, after all, as Iran told the world, Iran's ....... is bigger than Israel's.....!!! So, you just watch out, all you Israelis and your Mossad Agents Eli Kopter and Amit Nakesh!** Iran is angry.
The truth was that many people had, in fact, stocked up on water and cookies preparing for the worst. It was a tense time, with Israelis wondering if there would be a tomorrow, but spending today going to work, doing laundry (at least we would be destroyed in clean underwear), and eating ice cream.

**Puns on fictitious Mossad agents' names. Eli Kopter should be self-explanatory, while Amit Nakesh is a play on the Hebrew word 'hamitnakesh', which means assassin. (By the way, Amit Nakesh is a cousin to Amit Potzetz.) 

As we sat feeding a very happy toddler chocolate ice cream (he spurned the pistachio), my family member said to me, "Well, you've still got it"! 
I looked at her questioningly. "What, an ice cream mustache?"
"No, you can still flirt".  

I don't think I normally talk a lot a lot, but I was rendered speechless by that comment. 

To be clear, I was not flirting. I was REALLY not flirting. 

I was smiling. I was being friendly. I was talking to strangers. 

Because a few months ago, I decided that that was what I was going to do from now on. 

I'm normally not a particularly outgoing person, and I am not a very patient person. I sometimes get annoyed at small things (such as people leaving their shopping trolley on the diagonal in the supermarket aisle).
Fortunately, I don't usually show annoyance on the outside, but I'm all snarky and snarly on the inside, which can lead to all sorts of snarly stomach problems. But again, I digress. 

After the Hamas pogrom on October 7, Israelis (and Jews around the world) put aside their differences to fight a war of survival. Somehow, it seemed, everyone pitched in and helped out. The slogan was 'Together we will win' 'ביחד ננצח', and it seemed to be working.

Yet, as time passes, and the war drags on and on with no end in sight ― in the south and in the north and in the east ― some of that togetherness is wearing thin. 

Therefore, several months ago, I decided, as part of the war effort, that the very least I could do was to smile at people; and talk to strangers in a pleasant manner; and to laugh as much as possible. Maybe, in that way, some small part of the togetherness will hold fast. 

And so I smile.
I smile at the lady who parked her shopping trolley right across the entrance to the canned vegetable section at the store.
I smile at the teenager whose underwear is showing.
I smile at the small child picking his nose.
I especially smile at soldiers as I pass them in the street or in the mall. 

I talk to strangers too.
I told the lady in front of me at the store that I loved her necklace. Her face lit up. 
I asked the gentleman who was manhandling the cucumbers why they were so expensive, because they weren't good quality. He made up some answer on the spot as if he knew. 
And I try to laugh and make others laugh. 
I told the barista at the coffee shop that I wanted a cappuccino in the largest cup she had, and if she had a bucket that would be great. I got a pretty big smile from the overworked barista for that.  

And as time passes, the smiles and the small talk and the laughter get easier and easier. 

It's good for my soul. And my stomach. 

I wasn't going to write all this in a blogpost, especially the flirting part (though that part is pretty funny), but yesterday was the quasi holiday and one of the happiest days of the Jewish calendar, Tu B'Av (the 15th day of the month of Av), which comes exactly one week after Tisha B'Av (the 9th day of the month of Av), the saddest day in the Jewish calendar. 

These two days seem to be polar opposites. One is full of grief, where customs of mourning are kept; the other is joyful and full of music and dancing. However, both are based on historical events that occurred in our wanderings in the desert, predating Temple times by several hundred years, and are very connected.

It was on Tisha b’Av that the ‘spies’ returned from their mission in the Land of Canaan with a negative report about the Land that God had promised us. Because of this, and because of the lack of faith shown by the people, God declared that the date would be a day of mourning forever (or until the time of the Mashiach). The generation that left Egypt was destined to die in the desert. For the next 39 years in the desert, each year, on Tisha b’Av, the men of Israel would dig a trench and lie down in it. At sunrise, those who didn’t die in the night buried those who did.

In the 40th year in the desert, on the 9th of Av, the men dug their trench, but in the morning, there were no dead to be found. They thought that perhaps they had gotten the date wrong, so the next night, the 10th of Av, again the men dug a trench, and again there were no dead to bury in the morning. They continued to dig a trench until the 15th of Av, when, seeing the full moon and knowing the 9th had passed, they realized that the decree had been lifted, and the men would merit to enter the Land.

Since that time, many calamitous events, including, but not limited to, the Destruction of both our Holy Temples occurred on the 9th of Av, while Tu b’Av became a day of rejoicing, of song and dance, and of the lifting of evil decrees.

 
Our sages tell us that the Temple was destroyed due to ‘baseless hatred’, i.e., a hatred so deep that the actions committed in its name cause the hater to damage himself and his own more than the person that is hated.

Tu b’Av is called the holiday of love, and, while today it is celebrated with flowers and chocolate and romantic dates, its real purpose is to show ‘baseless love’, i.e., love that is given freely, without thoughts of repayment or gratification. Baseless love is doing things for others, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it’s hard, even when you don’t love.

It’s easy to see the bad in people, to be insulted, to disrespect, to disregard, to be indifferent, to feel snarky and snarly. It’s easy to hate.

It’s far, far more difficult to see beyond the differences and the hurt, to understand that everyone has baggage, and to treat others with the respect and the consideration that all God’s creations deserve.

If, on Tisha b’Av, our goal is to end, or at least control, baseless hatred, Tu B’Av has been given to us to commit ourselves to baseless love; one act, one kindness, one smile, one show of humanity, at a time.

Tu b’Av is not just the opposite of Tisha b’Av.
It is the answer to it.

And so, I smile. I smile as I let the lady with 17 items go before me in the 10-item line because she has a crying kid. And I smile and gesture 'go ahead' and let the car go before me in the street even though, clearly, I have the right-of-way. And next week, I'll think of another joke to make the overworked barista laugh. 

Because I want every day to be Tu B'Av—a day of rejoicing, of song and dance, and of the lifting of evil decrees.

One smile at a time. 

Please, take a moment to say a prayer for our Holy Land, our Holy soldiers and for our hostages, may they return home quickly and in health:

Our Father who is in heaven, Protector and Redeemer of Israel, bless the State of Israel, the dawn of our deliverance. Shield it beneath the wings of Your love; spread over it Your canopy of peace; send Your light and Your truth to its leaders, officers, and counselors, and direct them with Your good counsel.
Strengthen the defenders of our Holy Land; grant them, our God, salvation and crown them with victory. Establish peace in the land, and everlasting joy for its inhabitants. Remember our brethren, the whole house of Israel, in all the lands of their dispersion. Speedily bring them to Zion, Your city, to Jerusalem Your dwelling-place, as it is written in the Torah of Your servant Moses:
Even if you are dispersed in the uttermost parts of the world, from there the Lord your God will gather and fetch you. The Lord your God will bring you into the land which your ancestors possessed, and you shall possess it; and God will make you more prosperous and more numerous than your ancestors.
He Who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — may He bless the fighters of the Israel Defense Forces, who stand guard over our land and the cities of our God, from the border of the Lebanon to the desert of Egypt, and from the Great Sea unto the approach of the Aravah, on the land, in the air, and on the sea. 

אָבִינוּ שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם, צוּר יִשְׂרָאֵל וְגוֹאֲלוֹ, בָּרֵךְ אֶת מְדִינַת יִשְׂרָאֵל, רֵאשִׁית צְמִיחַת גְּאֻלָּתֵנוּ. הָגֵן עָלֶיהָ בְּאֶבְרַת חַסְדֶּךָ, וּפְרֹשׁ עָלֶיהָ סֻכַּת שְׁלוֹמֶךָ, וּשְׁלַח אוֹרְךָ וַאֲמִתְּךָ לְרָאשֶׁיהָ, שָׂרֶיהָ וְיוֹעֲצֶיהָ, וְתַקְּנֵם בְּעֵצָה טוֹבָה מִלְּפָנֶיךָ. חַזֵּק אֶת יְדֵי מְגִנֵּי אֶרֶץ קָדְשֵׁנוּ, וְהַנְחִילֵם אֱלֹהֵינוּ יְשׁוּעָה וַעֲטֶרֶת נִצָּחוֹן תְּעַטְּרֵם, וְנָתַתָּ שָׁלוֹם בָּאָרֶץ וְשִׂמְחַת עוֹלָם לְיוֹשְׁבֶיהָ.
וְאֶת אַחֵינוּ כָּל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל פְּקָד-נָא בְּכָל אַרְצוֹת פְּזוּרֵיהֶם, וְתוֹלִיכֵם מְהֵרָה קוֹמְמִיּוּת לְצִיּוֹן עִירֶךָ וְלִירוּשָׁלַיִם מִשְׁכַּן שְׁמֶךָ, כַּכָּתוּב בְּתוֹרַת משֶׁה עַבְדֶּךָ: “אִם יִהְיֶה נִדַּחֲךָ בִּקְצֵה הַשָּׁמַיִם, מִשָּׁם יְקַבֶּצְךָ ה’ אֱלֹהֶיךָ וּמִשָּׁם יִקָּחֶךָ. וֶהֱבִיאֲךָ ה’ אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֶל הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר יָרְשׁוּ אֲבֹתֶיךָ וִירִשְׁתָּהּ, וְהֵיטִבְךָ וְהִרְבְּךָ מֵאֲבֹתֶיךָ.
וְיַחֵד לְבָבֵנוּ לְאַהֲבָה וּלְיִרְאָה אֶת שְׁמֶךָ, וְלִשְׁמֹר אֶת כָּל דִּבְרֵי תּוֹרָתֶךָ. וּשְׁלַח לָנוּ מְהֵרָה בֶּן דָּוִד מְשִׁיחַ צִדְקֶךָ, לִפְדּות מְחַכֵּי קֵץ יְשׁוּעָתֶךָ. הוֹפַע בַּהֲדַר גְּאוֹן עֻזֶּךָ עַל כָּל יוֹשְׁבֵי תֵּבֵל אַרְצֶךָ, וְיֹאמַר כֹּל אֲשֶׁר נְשָׁמָה בְּאַפּוֹ: “ה’ אֱלֹהֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל מֶלֶךְ, וּמַלְכוּתו בַּכּל מָשָׁלָה”. אָמֵן סֶלָה.

  

May the Almighty cause the enemies who rise up against us to be struck down before them.
May the Holy One, Blessed is He, preserve and rescue our fighters from every trouble and distress and from every plague and illness, and may He send blessing and success in their every endeavor.
May He lead our enemies under our soldiers’ sway and may He grant them salvation and crown them with victory. And may there be fulfilled for them the verse: For it is the Lord your God, Who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you.

מִי שֶׁבֵּרַךְ אֲבוֹתֵינוּ אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקֹב הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת חַיָּלֵי צְבָא הֲגַנָּה לְיִשְׂרָאֵל, הָעוֹמְדִים עַל מִשְׁמַר אַרְצֵנוּ וְעָרֵי אֱלֹהֵינו מִגְּבוּל הַלְּבָנוֹן וְעַד מִדְבַּר מִצְרַיִם וּמִן הַיָּם הַגָּדוֹל עַד לְבוֹא הָעֲרָבָה בַּיַּבָּשָׁה בָּאֲוִיר וּבַיָּם. יִתֵּן ה’ אֶת אוֹיְבֵינוּ הַקָּמִים עָלֵינוּ נִגָּפִים לִפְנֵיהֶם. הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא יִשְׁמֹר וְיַצִּיל אֶת חַיָלֵינוּ מִכָּל צָרָה וְצוּקָה וּמִכָּל נֶגַע וּמַחֲלָה וְיִשְׁלַח בְּרָכָה וְהַצְלָחָה בְּכָל מַעֲשֵׂה יְדֵיהֶם. יַדְבֵּר שׂוֹנְאֵינוּ תַּחְתֵּיהֶם וִיעַטְרֵם בְּכֶתֶר יְשׁוּעָה וּבַעֲטֶרֶת נִצָּחון. וִיקֻיַּם בָּהֶם הַכָּתוּב: כִּי ה’ אֱלֹהֵיכֶם הַהֹלֵךְ עִמָּכֶם לְהִלָּחֵם לָכֶם עִם אֹיְבֵיכֶם לְהוֹשִׁיעַ אֶתְכֶם: וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן:

 

May it be the will of our Father in heaven,
Who brought His people Israel out from the suffering of Egypt
That He bless and save our abducted brothers and sisters.
Bound with iron chains,
May He strengthen their souls and faith,
Protect them from all harm and disease,
Have mercy on His sons and daughters awaiting His salvation.
Nullify all cruel decrees from upon them
In His great kindness, may He hasten their redemption,
And may they quickly emerge from darkness to light,
And from the pit of captivity to the freedom of the world.
And return in peace to their families and to their homes,
Please, plant brotherhood, peace and friendship in the hearts of all
Remove envy and baseless hatred,
And spread over us the Sukkah of Your peace
And may we merit to soon sing before You a ‘New Song.

יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלִּפְנֵי אָבִינוּ שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם
אֲשֶׁר הוֹצִיא אֶת עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל מִתַּחַת סִבְלוֹת מִצְרַיִם
הוּא יְבָרֵךְ וְיִנְצֹר אֶת אַחֵינוּ וְאַחְיוֹתֵינוּ
הַחֲטוּפִים הָאֲסוּרִים בְּכַבְלֵי בַּרְזֶל
,יְחַזֵּק נַפְשָׁם וֶאֱמוּנָתָם
,יִשְׁמְרֵם מִכָּל נֶגַע וּמַחֲלָה
,יַחְמֹל עַל בָּנָיו וּבְנוֹתָיו הַמְּצַפִּים לִישׁוּעָתוֹ
.יְבַטֵּל מֵעֲלֵיהֶם כָּל גְּזֵרוֹת אַכְזָרִיּוֹת
בְּחַסְדּוֹ הַגָּדוֹל יָחִישׁ פְּדוּתָם וְיֵצְאוּ מְהֵרָה מֵאֲפֵלָה לְאוֹרָה
וּמִבּוֹר הַשְּׁבִי לְחֵרוּת עוֹלָם וְיָשׁוּבוּ לְשָׁלוֹם אֶל מִשְׁפְּחוֹתֵיהֶם וְאֶל בָּתֵּיהֶם
,אָנָּא, נֶטַע אַחֲוָה שָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת בְּלֵב כֻּלָּם
הָסֵר קִנְאָה וְשִׂנְאַת חִנָּם וּפְרֹס עָלֵינוּ סֻכַּת שְׁלוֹמֶךָ
.וְנִזְכֶּה בְּקָרוֹב לוֹמַר לְפָנֶיךָ שִׁירָה חֲדָשָׁה