The Importance of Being Lit

I know your head aches. I know you're tired. I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window but think what you're trying to accomplish - just think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language, it's the greatest possession we have. 
-George Bernard Shaw

I do not live in an English-speaking country. Many, if not most, of the people living here do speak some level of English, but my day-to-day transactions are not done in my mother tongue.
Therefore, my English speaking abilities have become somewhat stunted; I use the same language today that I used when I did live in an English-speaking country, a few hundred years ago. 
I try to keep up, but I have no way of knowing if my usage is correct or even still in vogue. I taught my kids the word 'groovy', which they thought was hilarious. I used 'gag me with a spoon' way past its run. To the younger generation, I probably sound like Shakespeare. Forsooth, as they said in the Old Country. 

Because of social media and netflix, learning current jargon isn't too difficult. I can lol with the best of them, and often accuse my kids (and have been accused by them) of being hangry. I also just learned that lit is the new hip. 

What I find difficult though, is not the new vocabulary, but the change in the parts of speech. 'Woke', for example, is no longer a verb, but rather an adjective. 'Are you woke? Yes, I'm woke, nobody is more woke than me!!'
It's the change from noun to verb that frazzles me the most, I think. I used to give gifts, but now I gift gifts. Sometimes, but not nearly often enough, I'm gifted gifts. (This really ugly vase was gifted to me by people to whom it was gifted.)
A friend is no longer a person. To friend is to add someone to your social network. (A mass murderer just friended me. I don't know how he got my name.)
Or trend. How can a trend trend? But they do! Orange ski pants are trending!! Brocolli is trending!!! Unfortunately, correct English is not trending. 

The word I have the most trouble with is adult.
Heaven knows it's difficult enough to be an adult. Now I've discovered that I have to adult. Adulting is not acting grown up and mature (that ship sailed long ago), but to do things that adults are expected to do, like pay bills, iron clothes, eat right, and bring back the library books on time. 

It's hard enough not to stamp my feet (especially when I'm hangry), or giggle when someone asks under where?.  Now, I have to file taxes on time. And I'm not even American.  

This is where I draw the line. 
Whoever made up these new words and rules is a fopdoodle. 
Instead of adulting, I'm going to fudgel. 

I'm sure you think I'm a gnashgab, but it's hard to keep up with new words when all you hear around you is blather. 

I'm putting on my groovy pjs and going bedward. 
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.