I know your head aches. I know you're tired. I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window but think what you're trying to accomplish - just think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language, it's the greatest possession we have.
-George Bernard Shaw
I do not live in an English-speaking country. Many, if not most, of the people living here do speak some level of English, but my day-to-day transactions are not done in my mother tongue.
Therefore, my English speaking abilities have become somewhat stunted; I use the same language today that I used when I did live in an English-speaking country, a few hundred years ago.
I try to keep up, but I have no way of knowing if my usage is correct or even still in vogue. I taught my kids the word 'groovy', which they thought was hilarious. I used 'gag me with a spoon' way past its run. To the younger generation, I probably sound like Shakespeare. Forsooth, as they said in the Old Country.
Because of social media and netflix, learning current jargon isn't too difficult. I can lol with the best of them, and often accuse my kids (and have been accused by them) of being hangry. I also just learned that lit is the new hip.
What I find difficult though, is not the new vocabulary, but the change in the parts of speech. 'Woke', for example, is no longer a verb, but rather an adjective. 'Are you woke? Yes, I'm woke, nobody is more woke than me!!'
It's the change from noun to verb that frazzles me the most, I think. I used to give gifts, but now I gift gifts. Sometimes, but not nearly often enough, I'm gifted gifts. (This really ugly vase was gifted to me by people to whom it was gifted.)
A friend is no longer a person. To friend is to add someone to your social network. (A mass murderer just friended me. I don't know how he got my name.)
Or trend. How can a trend trend? But they do! Orange ski pants are trending!! Brocolli is trending!!! Unfortunately, correct English is not trending.
The word I have the most trouble with is adult.
Heaven knows it's difficult enough to be an adult. Now I've discovered that I have to adult. Adulting is not acting grown up and mature (that ship sailed long ago), but to do things that adults are expected to do, like pay bills, iron clothes, eat right, and bring back the library books on time.
It's hard enough not to stamp my feet (especially when I'm hangry), or giggle when someone asks under where?. Now, I have to file taxes on time. And I'm not even American.
This is where I draw the line.
Whoever made up these new words and rules is a fopdoodle.
Instead of adulting, I'm going to fudgel.
I'm sure you think I'm a gnashgab, but it's hard to keep up with new words when all you hear around you is blather.
I'm putting on my groovy pjs and going bedward.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
Never Have I Ever... Worried
Four in the morning, crapped out
Yawning
Longing my life away
I'll never worry, Why should I?
It's all gonna fade
-Paul Simon, Still Crazy After All These Years
Don't Worry, Be Happy
-Bobby McFerrin
What, me worry?
-Alfred E. Neumann
I received a message from my daughter one mid-morning, last week.
Yawning
Longing my life away
I'll never worry, Why should I?
It's all gonna fade
-Paul Simon, Still Crazy After All These Years
Don't Worry, Be Happy
-Bobby McFerrin
What, me worry?
-Alfred E. Neumann
I received a message from my daughter one mid-morning, last week.
"I did something to my neck. I can't turn my head at all".
"I see", I messaged back. "How bad is it?"
"It's pretty bad. I'm going to a chiropractor now and see if he can help."
"No," I said. "I meant is this a 15 minute worry, an hour worry, or a full day worry? If it's only 15 minutes, I can fit it in in about an hour, but if it's an hour worry, I'll only have time this afternoon. A full day worry will simply have to wait until next week. I'm pretty full this week."
"It's certainly not a day's worry, but I can't decide if you should worry now for a short time, or put it off and worry longer. I'll let you know".
I am not a big worrier. My kids will laugh, but it's true. Worrying doesn't accomplish anything, so what's the point?
Not being a big worrier, however, doesn't mean I never worry. I do, but I'm careful about it.
I organize my worry time by topic, severity, and relationship to the worryee.
Let's take, for example, cauliflower. The price of cauliflower has been ridiculously high, and I haven't bought it for a long time. Because cauliflower is a vegetable and not chocolate, because there are other things to buy, and because I'm not related - even distantly - to cauliflower, I spend a minimum of time worrying about it. Either I spend a few minutes before I go shopping worrying about what I will buy instead of cauliflower, or a few minutes in the store itself worrying about the cauliflower farmers who must be going through a hard time if they've raised the prices so much (I am not aware that I am related to any cauliflower farmers either, so again, minimal time).
While waiting for my daughter to update me on her condition, I looked over my schedule for the day.
It wasn't a heavy day. I had started the day with the daily momentary worry that I had forgotten to buy pitot for my kids' lunches. (I hadn't.) Then there was the slightly longer worry of whether or not I had anything clean to wear to work and if it would match. (Yes, and yes; who says miracles don't happen?) I even had enough time this morning while driving to work to get through several mandatory, generic worries: will my kid pass her math test today/will my grandson eat lunch today/will the level of the Kinneret ever pass the lower red line/will there be a worthy candidate to vote for in the upcoming Israeli election? (No for four...)
All sorts of worries pop up during work hours: will I have to answer the phone and speak to someone/will someone ask me to do something I don't know how to do/will someone not ask me to do something because they think I don't know how/will my soul die just a bit more today from boredom and lack of creativity? (Yes for four.....)
But all these worries take up only moments of time, and can be broken up into slots. I usually have plenty of time to worry about the important things: the weather, the laundry, has the leftover challah gone moldy yet, and will I have clean clothes for tomorrow?
Worries can be personal, local, and national. I usually take care of the personal first - the aforesaid laundry, pitot, lunches, and answering the phone.
The local worries take a bit longer: how long will my drive to work be when all these sky scrapers going up are populated? Is the Chinese take-out place still open? When will the army's move south be completed, and how will that affect my drive to work? Does climate change mean that the winters in Beer Sheva are going to be wetter or drier?
And then there are the National Worries. National Worries can be pretty heavy: Trauma, rockets, reserve duty, rainfall, the price of cauliflower. The worst of these are the worries that cause a dichotomy. I worry there's not enough rainfall, but at the same time I worry about the soldiers outside in the rain. And then (when I have time), I worry about the soldiers' mothers who are all worrying also. This can be quite wearying.
Because none of these things are in my hands, I manage to slip national worries into small pockets of time - usually just before I go to sleep.
My greatest worry, of course, is the unplanned-for worry; the worry that comes up when I don't have time to worry. A child's sudden fever, a flat tire on the car, war breaking out, these things can really disrupt my worry schedule.
It's a good thing I'm not a worrier, so I usually have plenty of time to worry about the unforeseen.
(Also, I worry about the anonymous creator of the above meme who made a typo. Luckily, as far as I know, I'm not related to the meme-maker, so I'm not too worried.)
"I see", I messaged back. "How bad is it?"
"It's pretty bad. I'm going to a chiropractor now and see if he can help."
"No," I said. "I meant is this a 15 minute worry, an hour worry, or a full day worry? If it's only 15 minutes, I can fit it in in about an hour, but if it's an hour worry, I'll only have time this afternoon. A full day worry will simply have to wait until next week. I'm pretty full this week."
"It's certainly not a day's worry, but I can't decide if you should worry now for a short time, or put it off and worry longer. I'll let you know".
I am not a big worrier. My kids will laugh, but it's true. Worrying doesn't accomplish anything, so what's the point?
Not being a big worrier, however, doesn't mean I never worry. I do, but I'm careful about it.
I organize my worry time by topic, severity, and relationship to the worryee.
Let's take, for example, cauliflower. The price of cauliflower has been ridiculously high, and I haven't bought it for a long time. Because cauliflower is a vegetable and not chocolate, because there are other things to buy, and because I'm not related - even distantly - to cauliflower, I spend a minimum of time worrying about it. Either I spend a few minutes before I go shopping worrying about what I will buy instead of cauliflower, or a few minutes in the store itself worrying about the cauliflower farmers who must be going through a hard time if they've raised the prices so much (I am not aware that I am related to any cauliflower farmers either, so again, minimal time).
While waiting for my daughter to update me on her condition, I looked over my schedule for the day.
It wasn't a heavy day. I had started the day with the daily momentary worry that I had forgotten to buy pitot for my kids' lunches. (I hadn't.) Then there was the slightly longer worry of whether or not I had anything clean to wear to work and if it would match. (Yes, and yes; who says miracles don't happen?) I even had enough time this morning while driving to work to get through several mandatory, generic worries: will my kid pass her math test today/will my grandson eat lunch today/will the level of the Kinneret ever pass the lower red line/will there be a worthy candidate to vote for in the upcoming Israeli election? (No for four...)
All sorts of worries pop up during work hours: will I have to answer the phone and speak to someone/will someone ask me to do something I don't know how to do/will someone not ask me to do something because they think I don't know how/will my soul die just a bit more today from boredom and lack of creativity? (Yes for four.....)
But all these worries take up only moments of time, and can be broken up into slots. I usually have plenty of time to worry about the important things: the weather, the laundry, has the leftover challah gone moldy yet, and will I have clean clothes for tomorrow?
Worries can be personal, local, and national. I usually take care of the personal first - the aforesaid laundry, pitot, lunches, and answering the phone.
The local worries take a bit longer: how long will my drive to work be when all these sky scrapers going up are populated? Is the Chinese take-out place still open? When will the army's move south be completed, and how will that affect my drive to work? Does climate change mean that the winters in Beer Sheva are going to be wetter or drier?
And then there are the National Worries. National Worries can be pretty heavy: Trauma, rockets, reserve duty, rainfall, the price of cauliflower. The worst of these are the worries that cause a dichotomy. I worry there's not enough rainfall, but at the same time I worry about the soldiers outside in the rain. And then (when I have time), I worry about the soldiers' mothers who are all worrying also. This can be quite wearying.
Because none of these things are in my hands, I manage to slip national worries into small pockets of time - usually just before I go to sleep.
My greatest worry, of course, is the unplanned-for worry; the worry that comes up when I don't have time to worry. A child's sudden fever, a flat tire on the car, war breaking out, these things can really disrupt my worry schedule.
It's a good thing I'm not a worrier, so I usually have plenty of time to worry about the unforeseen.
(Also, I worry about the anonymous creator of the above meme who made a typo. Luckily, as far as I know, I'm not related to the meme-maker, so I'm not too worried.)
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